I am not great at this posting daily. If you are a Facebook friend, you know that my password keeps messing up . . . I have gotten at least four invalid/change password notices, and it makes me not want to do this. Today I created a new password, hopefully it will hold.
I wanted to discuss downsizing today. No, we are not selling everything off and moving, but I hate being taken by surprise, so I have started the process. It is painful. It is painful to let go of stuff because of the memories attached to these things, whether it is a book we read when she was little, or something she made in high school.
When we were newly married, Mark was a miner. Specifically he ran a Rais-bor drill and created air and drop shafts in mines, as well as portal openings. There were about five families that traveled with the rig from site to site. We had a 20-foot travel trailer and no storage unit. Several of the families had storage units or houses that they went to during layoffs to replenish their trailer’s stuff, change out summer clothes for winter clothes, etc. We didn’t. When you live in such a small space, you really do weed out things. There is just no room for all this stuff that people think are needed for a “good” life. I have been dreaming of living on the road again.
We have been on our property for almost 20 years. I can’t believe how all the nooks and crannies have filled up. I know what happened, we got busy living and enjoying life, and so we just didn’t deal with the stuff.
“What should I do with this?”
“I don’t know”–and so another thing would get put . . . in my office. Since my transcription job ended, I haven’t used my office much. Still, it should not become a dumping ground for things without a home. It has become the room where everything gets shoved when we “clean house.” This past weekend I started working on clearing my office out so that I can work in there.
Don’t get me wrong, I do have a laptop. As I write, I am sitting on the couch, dog beside me, listening to NPR, and typing. So why would I want my office back? Well, want to be able to do “office stuff” in my office–stuff like pay the bills and file them away, work on my ongoing education (taking some FREE tax preparation classes to perhaps become a volunteer tax preparer), work on my photographs, etc. And I want to be able to leave my stuff out if I want. Right now, I schlep it all into the living room, do what needs to be done, and then schlep it all back into my office until the next time.
To get myself geared up for serious cleaning, I watch a few episodes of “Hoarders” on A&E. A couple of things always come to mind.
1) We hold on to things because of the emotion: She was so cute in that.
2) We shop for comfort, for that adrenalin rush, for the thrill of a deal. And who knows, some day we might need it. We never do use “it”, so it sits on a shelf gathering dust.
3) We let our kids store stuff at home when they begin their voyage into the wide world, and 10 years later it is still in our garage. So, they come home and go through it, and say “Oh, just get rid of it.” So now it is my job–my time, my effort– to get rid of their stuff. (Learning to say “E-bay” for this and “it is yours, you deal with it”)
4) Also, older family members give us stuff. They give it to us because they know we will “take care of it.” Yikes!! I personally have all the family history for my husband’s family. I can’t make decisions on what is important and what isn’t. It isn’t mine. He has to decide that — or his son or his daughter. But not me. All of this is usually in my office. Lately I have been moving it into his office–he will either stack it someplace and let it go or deal with it, but it is out of my face.
It is unfortunate, but things grow old, go out of style, and the expiration dates on food pass by quickly. And then what good are they? We start a new hobby then give it up, but we have all the stuff for it. We gain/lose weight. And let’s not even get into computer program upgrades . . . Sometimes I look at things and just see dollar signs . . . money lost.
Regarding #3 and #4 above, I believe that if it is not mine, I shouldn’t be messing with it or poking through it. This is detrimental when people leave their boxes and stuff behind, taking up space in the garage. This is detrimental when my husband brings stuff home. I have come to some grips with this. The garage stuff, my step-son’s toys, etc., will be sold on E-bay or taken to the thrift store. When my husband brings home or leaves out his stuff (his mail, his cameras, baseball caps, and family history) I just put it in his office, usually in his desk chair or on his keyboard. I know he will have to at least look at the stuff as he moves it out of the way, but I won’t have to deal with it.
Being unorganized or even cluttered costs more than just the money. It also costs me time–time to find stuff. It costs me peace of mind . . .
One site that I have found very useful–and have followed off and on since 2000, is Flylady.com. No, I don’t do everything she says–like I said, off and on. I don’t believe housework should be a part-time job, which it can become if you do all the 10-minute things, 15-minute things, etc. I do what I can and don’t stress the rest. I love using the timer. I even sent one of my timers to college with my daughter, because she has learned to use it when doing homework (work for 45 minutes, take a 15-minute break).
There is the impression that being organized is simple. I have learned, through the use of Flylady.com, that even being organized takes time. The hope is that after investing the time in getting organized, that the time, money, and peace of mind spent going forward
is less. I fall down when I forget that it takes time to maintain that organization. Time to think about things and deal with them right away instead of putting them in the office, in a pile, etc. I need to take the time to do the filing, put the books on the shelf, etc.
I hope this helps all you soon-to-be empty nesters, I know we all will go through this as our children leave home.
AnnaB
